Have just finished our response to the history departments challenge. (With thanks to Dave for most of the first paragraph, and Dan (not Wost) for identifying our need to make childish jokes about book burning and censorship)
Acceptance of Proposed War
There comes a time in the course of human events, when a people must rise up, and do what is right; it seems that this is such a time. We view the warlike nature of historians as ironic and indicative of poor scholarship. How could any rational historian put forward a combative solution to any conflict real or imagined between our two departments? History is rife with examples of how such conflicts have been resolved in the past – Always with the triumph of Political Science over the warmongering forces of the heathen department. So it was when the Political Science department seceded from the History department all those years ago, and so shall it always be.
Why can we not be left alone to drink? Why must the History department hunger over long lost glories, and fictional triumphs? Why can you not let go of your imperial past, and look to the future with a peaceful heart? Appeasement it appears has gone on for to long, and the wrong impression has been given, (we never touched your daughter) and for that we are sorry. We are now faced with an arrogant, barbaric aggressor whose godless ways and decadent lifestyle has become such a blight upon campus that it can no longer be tolerated. We feel that there mere existence of the historians is an insult to God and all right minded people, who are sick and tired of it. We unfortunately feel the issue must be resolved lest the conflict escalate any further. You will be smote.
As such, it is with heavy hearts that we accept the challenge, knowing that many foolish historians will die for their childish beliefs. We are confident that when the blood lust leaves us, and the bodies of the fallen litter the battle ground we shall bear witness once more to the superiority of our forces, aided as ever by strength, skill, and valour over the cheek and arrogance of the uninformed.
On behalf of the departmental forces of light and honour:
George “W” McLeod | Department of Homeland Security |