Clarification of hypocrisy.
The Political Science postgrads recently released a document claiming their innocence after the breakdown of peaceful negotiations between the Political Science department and the History department. Unfortunately for international observers, brokers of peace and wild hippy love, and the public in general, this document was full of errors, propaganda and barely-disguised lies. While sadly acknowledging the inevitability and necessity of this war for freedom, this document is an attempt to correct some of the errors that the Political Science postgrads have put forward.
One of the most controversial passages within this inflammatory article was in para 2, and read:
‘We are now faced with an arrogant, barbaric aggressor whose godless ways and decadent lifestyle has become such a blight upon campus that it can no longer be tolerated. We feel that there mere existence of the historians is an insult to God and all right minded people, who are sick and tired of it. We unfortunately feel the issue must be resolved lest the conflict escalate any further. You will be smote.’
There are several contradictions within this paragraph. On one hand the political science postgrads claim that it the historian who is the aggressive, ‘barbaric’ race, while on the other hand claiming that the time has come to ‘smote’, or end, the ‘existence of historians’. It would appear that the political science postgrads are attempting to justify their proposed genocide of historians by claiming that it is the historian who is aggressive. There has not been such open, snarling hypocrisy since Donald Rumsfeld. History has shown, however, that it is the political science department which is the aggressive, abrasive and dangerous academic department within the university (the law school doesn’t count – they might sue). We remember our fallen brothers and sisters from the now defunct mass communication and journalism departments who tried appeasement as an attempt to starve off the rabid desire of conquest held deep by all political scientists. We remember their fate and stand tall with resolve. We shall not forget. We shall not fall.
It is unfortunate that our former allies have lost their once proud reputation of integrity, strength and justice. We stood side by side against the accountants, economists and philosophers in battles past, steadfastly demanding the right to self-determination. We were surprised, by the decision of the political scientists to strike out on their own. Nevertheless we respected their position. We were concerned that we might be picked off one at a time by bigger, nastier, meaner departments. Indeed, it appears as though this fear was justified. The political scientists were corrupted and bought out by our (once shared) nemesis – the Coalition of the Commerce Faculties. It is well known that accountants hate historians. They sign petitions and vent their rage that we get to study people, events, structures and mentalities, while they get to study numbers. It is a jealousy that is deep and encompassing. The world knows too, of the secret alliance between our one-time allies, partners and friends – the political science department, and the accountants. This ‘secret’ has been obvious since the political science department moved in with the accountants in the Commerce Building. You have become what we once fought against. The once-oppressed have become the tyrants. Shame on you.
Yes, we declared war first. We will launch a pre-emptive strike. We do not wish to this, but understand that if we are to survive we must strike when the enemy is weak, limp-wristed and effeminate. We have the support of the UN, of the international community, of the people. We know that the political science department has hired South African mercenaries (we’re not black!) This can not stand in our way. You cannot kill history.
[Insert a picture of Darth Vader and some Storm Troopers. With a caption proclaiming me as the Dark Lord of the Sith (fair enough) and Nic and other honours students as Troopers, on a march to occupy Mass Comm. Laugh.]
Posted by luther at October 4, 2003 08:41 PM | TrackBack